How to Save a Life. One of my favorite songs and the question of the day. I am trying to get back to my old creative self but something seams to be holding me back. I am a heart breaker, a mean person, and apparently a manipulator and a liar. I refuse to believe these things though. I am more than the problems that I face in this life and I WILL over come it. Things have just not been going in my favor lately. I have been struggling with depression for so long I don't know how much longer I can take it. And this keeps slapping me in the face. People don't want anything to do with me. This can't be right though. I was born 3 months early to loving Christian parents in Boston MA on August 24, 1992. I was an innocent child and look what I have become now. I have less than $100 to my name, I have no job, and I am currently not in school. This isn't anyone's fault but my own however. I am searching for a job high and low but nothing seams to come in my favor. I am a heart breaker. Why can't I just do things right?? I feel like I am at the lowest of lows right now. Why can't I just pull it together and get a job and go to school. If I had it my way I would get my English degree with a Creative Writing focus and write. I would write my own book in the hopes to help others like my favorite author Marya Hornbacher. If she got through life threatening anorexia and then bipolar disorder so can I. We face the same problems and she got through it and then attempted to help others through the words she put on paper. My parents are my inspiration. My mom is the hardest working Godly woman I know. She is a Bible teacher, a nurse, and she works at an assisted living facility; above else her most challenging career has been raising my sister and I. She did it with caring, compassion, and diligence however. My dad is a Captain in the Navy. He has seen things that he probably doesn't even talk about. He has made a 30 year career out of serving our country and he is my inspiration. Both my parents are my inspiration and I love them both. I just feel lowly and unaccomplished in the life I am living. I am stuck and I don't know how to turn things around. I need help. Some say there is no one who can help me but myself, others say God will be the one to help me. I have gotten some of the best professional help in the world so it is time for me to take action. I will be a writer, a paralegal, a pharmacy technician, I can be whatever the hell I choose.
When I look for pure innocence in this world I look no farther than the dog in my house. She is 10 1/2 years old and she is my little companion. She does not have a mean streak in her body and I love her so much. Animals are really the best creatures for someone who feels alone. My dog has been there for me for since I was 11 years old.
I can do this.
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